HOMOSEXUALITY AND ANATHEISM
ACT TWO
"It was the fear that comes after the doing that makes the doing hard to do.
Pano mo sasabihin na, No woman has ever made you feel the severity of sex and right before that final thrust no man has ever made you want to fall in love?"
Ang hirap deba? So it was left unsaid. And then there was silence. The four corners of the room started to make sense. The fear of rejection was there pero subtle. Kasi both of them know it was just sex.And walang nagsabing ito na ang tsansa para sa pagsasamantala sa panahon. It's great sex and not promising for more so to speak.
Gabriel was not so happy na he became a wallpaper. After a special moment with this person, umuwi silang pareho baon ang pangako na nothing was ended after the date. They both hate to be hitting and running at the same time. One tries the hitting and the other tries to do both.
Kung ikaw man siguro ang nasa lugar nila you'd wish na..Mag teteks kayo sa isa't isa, kung feel nyo... syempre kung sino man ang maunang mag-text, eh polite enough lang na replyan deba.
Okay... it went like this for a while. Until one day it all stopped. How are you going to deal with it kung ikaw ang dinedeadma? Ang OA naman kung aatungal ka kagad deba? Kakatext lang nya sayo ng:
"Goodnight"
tas nung mag reply ka ng:
"Uy salamat, Nyt din. See you in my dreams"
Aba hindi na sya nagreply uli. Inisip mo baka borlog na...nyt na nga deba. Hangagang natapos ang month wala ka ng narinig sa kanya kahit empty space.
"." <---Tuldok yan
Na try mo ng mag initiate ng first move.
"Musta Na?"
Deadma.
One time nag text ka ng, something serious: ACT OF DESPERATION
"Thanks for the memories. Im going somewhere where you can no longer see me"
Finally he replied quickly:
"WRONG SEND KA"
Only one thing... MOVE ON. Parang ang dali dali ano? Pero kay Gabriel Hmmm... hindi sya magaling maghandle ng relationship. Eh wala naman syang enthusiast first and foremost sa relasyong gusto nyang i-lead. Puro sya hoping sa DESTINY.
Mas Tactful sya kung sya ang maglalagay ng sarili nya sa shoes ng mga may dillema.
It's hard to get rid of the attachments- they linger pero di mo naman matukoy kung ano ba ang exact emotion na dapat mong maramdaman. Should we be HAPPY for OTHER'S? Bat hindi? Or mas appropiate if we dwell with our personally filed trays of REGRETS?
We've had our moments of panghihinayang na and the ONLY CHANCE we could make something good out of them mishaps eh... TRY OUR BEST TO BE GOOD WITH THOSE CONCERNED, through it all wala naman silang kasalanan. It maybe was abrupt, and bakit naman hindi. Ganon naman talaga ang LOVE. Spontaneous deba? AT KUNG MAY NAG PLANO MAN NG BEST WAY TO HURT SOMEONE. Hindi yung naka-eyeball natin na super delicious at lalo ng hindi yung nakatuluyan niya. Crush lang yon. Crush daw o. O sige Object of affection.
Nakakailang gamitin yung word, kasi honestly I dont think it's the perfect word.
How can WE make something out of this secretly manipulative internet based community-with it's infinite space intended for lonely and hopelessly romantic queer folks? There's an endless posibilty. I JUST RECENTLY OPENED THE DOORS FOR NEW INVOLVEMENT. And I am going to keep meeting new guys as much as I can. None of us should give up the hope of finding someone who could at least LOVE US BACK. It may be tough, you might have to start raising your spirits up. You may have to believe in never seeing the strings you think you need to pulleven if they were never there.
You may have to endure a lot. But as long as you remain pure, open and unselfish, LOve will be there. It may take time, pero Im sure in the end you'll be happy. It's a lot easier to get around the truth... it usually makes the "setting free" part relieving rather than stressing.
Yung mga heartbroken actually di naman mahirap mag move-on. Ako I'd be brave to admit I have a device that takes care of the troubleshooting. MASTURBATION is a useful tool for SURVIVAL. And it really works for a while until you can get yourself together. Syempre iba parin yung talgang HEALING process. Minsan mas madali kung mayron kang nadadaingan. Mas mabilis ma-convert sa LIMOT.
Think of SEX and how you'd want to write BITCH all over you... That's how I decide to prepare myself for something PURER than LUST. It's just making me sick that I'll have to trade my emotions with something I can consider as infernally cold. Im sick of One night affairs that takes me no farther than getting in on someone else's pants. Ironic pa nga minsan kasi, after the fluid exchange you wake up the next day feeling you have just turned your back on LOVE.
Pag naramdaman mo yung MAGIC MOMENT na parang tumitigil yung time while you're trying to make love out of nothing...THINK AGAIN. You might just be missing a chance to something more than the ordinary.
Do not want for GENUINE ACCEPTANCE as in KASINTAHAN. Wag mong karirin yung pagbilis ng heartbeat mo. Ang INFATUATION pag pinagaksayahan mo ng guni-guni nagiging DELUSION. At pag ang DELUSION pinag tuunan mo ng oras, pera at kung ano mang puedeng i-invest eventually ang nagiging reason WHY MOST PEOPLE BREAK. Mahirap ng mag counsel ng may sariling mundo.
Stop Wanting:Kasi kung ano ang kailangan mo madalas mailap. Try to have fun. At least while you're fooling around, malilibang ka. You wont notice until you're back trying to decide if you only like the guy/girls face, kasi ang ganda ng mata nya saka ang ganda ng ngipin pantay pantay or really gusto mo na syang yayaing mag-live in. Iba yung komportable ka dahil alam mong sinuwerte ka sa komportable ka kasi parang at home ka.
To those who are suffering under the underbrush of relationships, o they think they are having a relative problem. Please wag mahesitate mag-share. It's easier kung may kasama ka sa misery. I will make every end meet if I can be of help.You just might consider writing for this collective internovela. Kung wala ka namang ibang pinagkakaabalahan eh di be an author!
Ako kasi Nagjojoging every morning to sweat out. I have this theory na Physical stress drains the fluid sa tear gland. Until I went back to writing entries on my journal. Mas mabagal yung pagbagsak ng luha mo pag nag-iisip ka pa kung ano ang susunod mong paragraph.
TO BE CONCLUDED...
DISCLAIMER
The views presented here are personal, and in no way reflect the views of the people directly or indirectly mentioned, linked or patched. In fact, the views expressed on this blog are not endorsed. Unless, of course, they are. In addition, while legal issues are discussed here from time to time, what you read is not entirely the truth. If you need legal advice, then go see your lawyer.
Furthermore, I and the contributing writers reserve (and exercise) the right to edit or delete comments without provocation or warning. And just so we're clear, the third-party comments, links, et. al. on this blog do not represent our views, nor does the existence of a comments section imply that said comments are endorsed by me or "us". Unless, of course, they are.
